Oh no, the extravagant spouse. Few couples are able to escape financial troubles on a constant basis, but yours may not be as severe as you believe. Even if they are, there is only one way to get on track financially: take charge. This entails both of you working together to gain control of your finances.
When one spouse’s spending habits lead credit card debt and funds to deplete, here’s how to get back on track.
Hint: Manage your finances, not your spouse!
Be honest, and for Heaven’s sake. Be kind.
You probably like your spouse, so don’t allow money make you a mean-spirited ogre. This applies regardless of how severe the financial situation is. In fact, the more stressed you are, the more you need to consider what you say and how you say it. Some things cannot be taken back. And shouting is not acceptable.
“You probably believe the other wastes money on unnecessary stuff. So, define ‘necessary’ and look in the mirror while you’re at it.”
A family budget focuses on “family.” If you use a purposefully hostile attitude, you will go nowhere fast and may even make an enemy. Say what you need to say, but keep your emotions under control.
Lay forth the problem in clear terms
Avoid ambiguity. If you’re concerned about money, say so. “speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others.”
You can’t manage a budget if your spouse doesn’t understand what’s wrong, and you can’t collaborate if you do all of the talking. The situation may appear obvious to you, but do yourself a favor and make it clear to both of you. Be open to debate; this is not a lecture, but an opportunity to collaborate.
Who is the boss, anyway?
Make sure your money concerns are genuine and not based on an exaggerated notion of who has the authority to do what. Some financial issues arise when there is an income disparity. When one partner earns much more than the other, someone may feel excluded. That is no way to handle family finances.
The higher earner in a household may resent every penny spent by the lesser earner and feel empowered to choose what is and is not frivolous.
“Similar to a power struggle issue, but isolated only to issues with power over the money, the spouse earning more sees the money as his or her own, and believes that he or she has the right to spend the money at will.”
For a family budget to operate, everyone must be equal, regardless of their income.
Sharing really is caring.
A family budget benefits the entire family. It only makes sense that both spouses contribute to its conception and implementation. When one spouse devises a strategy for managing debt and spending and then insists on compliance, there is no partnership; simply a rule maker and a rule follower.
Discuss with your husband what is important to him and discuss your own aspirations. For a budget to succeed, both parties must feel equal. Equality also makes it easier for you and your partner to follow through on the plan.
Money troubles are among the most common causes for couples to argue and even split up. However, money is merely a thing that can be controlled. Both partners bear financial responsibilities, and it does not have to be a big, stinky elephant in the room.
Money does not have to dictate your life. You may take responsibility and return to recalling all the reasons why your partner is so wonderful.
